Every family has different beliefs when it comes to bedtime. Different rituals (or non-rituals) work for different families. I am not here to judge your bedtime routine (or lack there of in our case) - unless of course you are letting your child cry-it-out, putting them to bed in a scary unsafe environment, or not trusting in your child's sleep needs. Those are the areas in which, as a parent, YOU should not be number one - your child should be.
Here is our journey to a bedtime story (or lack there of a 'bedtime')
We own an Arm's Reach Co-sleeper and love it. Well, we think it's beautiful, and it fits so well next to the bed. We brought home baby #1 (Scarlett) and decided that even the co-sleeper was too far away from us. Our instincts said she needed to be closer. So close, in fact, she slept on top of my chest the first 4 months of her life. Hindsight is saying that this may have been the start to our sleep issues right here. But, I wouldn't have changed it. That's where she felt the safest, so that's where she slept. She started growing... and growing... eventually, I rolled her off of me into the middle of our bed, where she slept until 14-15 months old. At that point, she was tossing and turning so much that we thought she would like her own space. We hit the nail on the head, as she slept through the night for the very first time ever when he was 15 months old.
If you have been following my blog, by now you know we are kind of "crunchy" as people call it... Part of me says "WAHOO we are crunchy" and the other part says "WAHOOO we are LAZY." I love extended nursing for all of the health benefits, but let's not lie - it's flat out easier than bringing food with you (not to mention an excellent calorie burner for mom). We love cloth diapering - and yes there is washing involved, but we never have to run out and buy diapers. I wear my babies everywhere - Hell, that's a no brainer - it's way easier to wear a baby than to carry a carseat or a wiggling baby/toddler... Of course research plays a huge part into all of our decisions, and we are very aware of the things we do as a family to maintain the "crunchy" lifestyle. (This ties into the blog post, I promise)
Co-sleeping and bed-sharing is EASY. It is easier than getting up and going to another room when baby is crying. It is easier to just lay down as a family and all fall asleep together. However, it is not just easy. It benefits the child in ways you would never imagine. Waiting until a child is truly ready to sleep independently can lead to a more well-rounded child/teen/and adult. Feeling safe, secure, and comfortable in a sleep setting raises self-esteem and self-confidence. Stop reading right now if you saying, "My 6 day old, 6 week old, or 6 month old was ready to be on his own!" - PLEASE.... just research infant sleep studies, brain development, and such. You'll have enough facts to make you change your mind with the next baby. And don't you dare bring any of the "Ferber method, cry-it-out sleep training" crap my way. I'll throw you facts until I'm blue in the face and you have a foot in your mouth. --- ok off the soap box. --- Not only did we love co-sleeping with Scarlett, but we loved the benefits she was receiving.
Now Scarlett is a VERY emotional child. (Seriously, the world is ending if she drops her fork on the floor.) We were not surprised when she wanted back into our bed most nights. We welcomed her with open arms. We also were not surprised that with the birth of Emmett, she wanted back in our bed full-time. Again, we welcomed her. How horrible for her to be in a bed (and room) all alone while the three of us slept together. (Think about it, we spend our grown lives searching for a soulmate to share our lonely bed with each night - we never have liked sleeping alone. There's a certain comfort in knowing someone you love is sleeping next to you.) Needless to say, almost 8 months later, we have no sleep schedule, four in a bed, tossing, turning, and crawling everywhere. We seem to go through phases where everyone sleeps fine and other times where no one is sleeping well. This is a "SLEEPING SUCKS" phase right now. We resorted to playing videos for Scarlett around 9/10pm in her room in hopes she would fall asleep for a few hours before coming into our rooms. That way we would have some adult time. Well, that worked for about 3 weeks. Then she just watched her movie and came out just as awake as ever. She still flips, turns, kicks, and talks in her sleep; and Emmett is now rolling and crawling in his sleep. If only we could record one night in our bed to playback to the world. Emmett has also cut 4 teeth in two weeks. He is nursing every hour at night. Between Scarlett waking him up, Emmett nursing, not getting comfortable, I a NOT sleeping.
So why not put her to bed earlier you ask? Well, Scarlett goes until she crashes. Her nap (if there is a nap) consists of playing until she falls asleep in her dollhouse, on the floor, in the car, on a table, etc... You cannot get her to lay down any other way. I have tried. (Literally just tried yesterday - it took 1.5 hours and all three of us the bed before we all fell asleep together) And when there is a nap, she stays up until midnight! The Sleep God has been laughing at us lately.
I refuse to EVER make a child of mine sleep alone, or in a setting in which he/she is not comfortable, until that setting becomes comfortable and the child is ready to be alone. John and I are hoping that once Emmett hits a year old, we can set up a big mattress on the floor in one of their rooms, and they will sleep together. ("Hope" being the key word there.) I am not ready to be done co-sleeping with Emmett at all, as he nurses throughout the whole night still. (And his snuggles just melt my heart.) And there is still a small part of me that loves Scarlett in our bed. The mama bear in me says, "ALL babies must be with me so that I can KILL someone if they walk into this room in the middle of the night."
We have tried 2 nights with the mattress on our floor for Scarlett, but the problem lies in the act of bringing the mattress in and out. She will start in her room and then come in to ours. But the mattress buys us a few more hours before she crawls into our bed. However, I still do not sleep.
I know that this to shall pass. I know that it is just a phase and we will adapt and grow from it. I also know that according to all of the research out there, that it is NOT easy at times to stay true to the parenting style you have developed and made your own. I guess I'm just throwing it out there so that others with a child (or children) in their bed can relate, laugh, make fun of us, or just vent with me. I love having my babies (and my husband) so close at night. I would however like a little sleep tonight. :)
There's our bedtime story... or lack there of one. As John says, "We need to move at least one baby out of the bed (at least to the floor) before we can have another."
Do I have any advice for those becoming a family soon? Yes. Follow your gut. Listen to your heart. Read the research. And then co-sleep safely. I still wouldn't change a thing we have done so far.
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