This Resolution Mama is back on the trails. I have always been a runner,and loved the feeling of the pavement and my thoughts. (It's not for everyone.) But after having the Bulldozer, I slowed my mileage, made excuses, and dwindled to just teaching bootcamps and running 1-3 miles a few days a week, blaming it on "pushing stroller" or "having Matilda (the 85lb weimeriner) with me"
Well, I am done with excuses. Get your rear off the couch/floor/bed/chair and GO. You CAN do it. Start slow, start fast, just start.
I am back on the trails. I have both the double stroller and dog in tow. We look like circus, and get honked at (or waved at) daily. I am up to 6.2 miles and just registered for a 15K race in 2 weeks. I run in the drizzling rain, the cold, the wind... I love the feel of splashing in the puddles as I pass them. Morning, mid-day, it doesn't matter. Little Red Bird likes to sing ("La, La, La" - not an actual song) at the top of her lungs through 1/2 the run... until she falls asleep or becomes dazed by the beauty of the marsh. The Bulldozer is happy as long as I am running. Matilda is all-around a better dog when we run.
All-in-all, along with bootcamp, running makes me happy :) What's your excuse? It's not good enough (99.9% of the time anyway) -- Get up. Get active. Set those endorphins free!
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Say "Yes" to Your Children- It'll Change Your Life
Children hold the secrets to life. Too often we overlook and push aside their comments, concerns, and conversations. Life gets in the way. Life pulls you in every other direction but toward your child(ren). Dishes need washed, laundry folded, beds made, and toilets scrubbed. These things we know. But at your knee (or hip) stands the Secret Holder. She knows the secrets to life. Are the dishes more important?
No.
As we made homemade heart-shaped ice-cream sandwiches today for Valentine's Day, my daughter, dressed as a fairy, and my son, wearing a hat and feeding his hippo, both squealed and laughed at the touch of ice-cream. They painted with it on the counter, licked it off their fingers, cried when it turned sticky, and then laughed again when I licked it from their cheek. My Little Red Bird (Scarlett, 3.5 years old) turned to me and said, "Mommy, this the best day ever!"
"Can I wear ballet slippers?"
"Can we blow up the pool (in February)?"
"Will you hold my hand?"
"Can we go outside?"
"One more time, please?"
Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.
If you truly listen to what your child asks, it is for more time with you. More information that you know or can find. Your child NEEDS you. Don't get me wrong, my child asks to eat some sort of dessert at least 16 times a day. I do not say "yes," but instead explain to her the meaning of dessert. We discuss and I let her make a decision about when her dessert should be eaten. (Normally around 2:00pm, who am I to argue? It's healthier then 7:00pm!) The point is that we discuss and I let her make the decision. I do not just say "No."
This is my "Lent Resolution 2013"--Instead of giving something up, I have decided to give in to my kids. For the next 40 days, I will say "Yes" more than I say "No." It will prolong my to-do lists, and make me test my patience beyond definition. Little Red Bird is teaching me to be a better person. The Bulldozer (Emmett, 18 months old) keeps me on my toes, and while he does not use words yet, he death-deafeningly challenges every aspect of life.
By following their lead, I promise to let my mind relax... I will feed off of them. I will tickle more, laugh more, eat more ice-cream, and read (even) more books. I will say Yes when Little Red Bird asks, and when Bulldozer points and grunts. I will redirect and become more involved if the request is something that should not be given in to. I will let go of my to-do list and grab on to the moments that I have with my children.
No.
As we made homemade heart-shaped ice-cream sandwiches today for Valentine's Day, my daughter, dressed as a fairy, and my son, wearing a hat and feeding his hippo, both squealed and laughed at the touch of ice-cream. They painted with it on the counter, licked it off their fingers, cried when it turned sticky, and then laughed again when I licked it from their cheek. My Little Red Bird (Scarlett, 3.5 years old) turned to me and said, "Mommy, this the best day ever!"
"Can I wear ballet slippers?"
"Can we blow up the pool (in February)?"
"Will you hold my hand?"
"Can we go outside?"
"One more time, please?"
Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.
If you truly listen to what your child asks, it is for more time with you. More information that you know or can find. Your child NEEDS you. Don't get me wrong, my child asks to eat some sort of dessert at least 16 times a day. I do not say "yes," but instead explain to her the meaning of dessert. We discuss and I let her make a decision about when her dessert should be eaten. (Normally around 2:00pm, who am I to argue? It's healthier then 7:00pm!) The point is that we discuss and I let her make the decision. I do not just say "No."
This is my "Lent Resolution 2013"--Instead of giving something up, I have decided to give in to my kids. For the next 40 days, I will say "Yes" more than I say "No." It will prolong my to-do lists, and make me test my patience beyond definition. Little Red Bird is teaching me to be a better person. The Bulldozer (Emmett, 18 months old) keeps me on my toes, and while he does not use words yet, he death-deafeningly challenges every aspect of life.
By following their lead, I promise to let my mind relax... I will feed off of them. I will tickle more, laugh more, eat more ice-cream, and read (even) more books. I will say Yes when Little Red Bird asks, and when Bulldozer points and grunts. I will redirect and become more involved if the request is something that should not be given in to. I will let go of my to-do list and grab on to the moments that I have with my children.
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Open your eyes, your children are the meaning of life. Live it with them.
Tap dancing kangaroos are performing on my coffee table right now. One holds a laso, while the other is throwing "meatballs" to the floor below.
Earlier today, we loaded the stroller with picnic goodies, a blanket, and a ball. We hiked our way to the playground and enjoyed a two hour lunch... just my little kangaroos and me.
My three year old wrote her name for the first time, and her brother cheered "Ra-Daaaaaa!" (ta-da) for her.
We played hide and seek. We built a block castle. We drank green smoothies and had homemade (egg-less) cookies. We colored reindeer. We laughed until our bellies ached during bath time.
There are so many memories to be made in each day. Too many memories to be remembered. Too many moments that are filled with the true meaning of life. People are so focused on helping their children prepare for life and all that life will throw at them, that they don't realize their children are already living life. Every moment is truly lived in by a child. There is no later, no tomorrow, only now.
After the earth-shattering shooting that took place last Friday, taking the lives of 20 young children, I beg you to slow down. I beg you to look at life through your child's eyes.
Being a parent is hard. It is exhausting. It challenges your weaknesses daily... but as you know, it is the greatest journey life can offer. It is easy to lose yourself on this journey, to deviate from the woman (or man) you are and planned to become. It is time to take a moment and evaluate where you are, where your heart lies, and how you are expressing these things to those who matter most.
You cannot remember every moment of every day, but you should not have to. Your days should be filled with moments back to back, building high, this castle that is your life. Because your life should be lived in each moment.
Listen to the little voices. Sit on the floor and play. Go outside and get dirty. Hold hands. Hug. Give kisses. Take pictures. Laugh. Cry. Cheer.
Each moment is yours to live with your child(ren). Life can be taken from us at any time. We cannot protect ourselves or our children, despite our superhero mentality, in the scariest dangers of the world. Instead of living in fear though, let your love and strength be present and hold on to your babies while walking this journey. Walk it together, as the family you are.
This is our New Year's Resolution for 2013, and every year that follows: Be Present. Live each moment.
And to those who lost a child, a mother, a sister, a wife, or a loved one in the recent nightmare, my prayers and tears and heartache are with you daily. Words will never be enough. xoxo.
Earlier today, we loaded the stroller with picnic goodies, a blanket, and a ball. We hiked our way to the playground and enjoyed a two hour lunch... just my little kangaroos and me.
My three year old wrote her name for the first time, and her brother cheered "Ra-Daaaaaa!" (ta-da) for her.
We played hide and seek. We built a block castle. We drank green smoothies and had homemade (egg-less) cookies. We colored reindeer. We laughed until our bellies ached during bath time.
There are so many memories to be made in each day. Too many memories to be remembered. Too many moments that are filled with the true meaning of life. People are so focused on helping their children prepare for life and all that life will throw at them, that they don't realize their children are already living life. Every moment is truly lived in by a child. There is no later, no tomorrow, only now.
After the earth-shattering shooting that took place last Friday, taking the lives of 20 young children, I beg you to slow down. I beg you to look at life through your child's eyes.
Being a parent is hard. It is exhausting. It challenges your weaknesses daily... but as you know, it is the greatest journey life can offer. It is easy to lose yourself on this journey, to deviate from the woman (or man) you are and planned to become. It is time to take a moment and evaluate where you are, where your heart lies, and how you are expressing these things to those who matter most.
You cannot remember every moment of every day, but you should not have to. Your days should be filled with moments back to back, building high, this castle that is your life. Because your life should be lived in each moment.
Listen to the little voices. Sit on the floor and play. Go outside and get dirty. Hold hands. Hug. Give kisses. Take pictures. Laugh. Cry. Cheer.
Each moment is yours to live with your child(ren). Life can be taken from us at any time. We cannot protect ourselves or our children, despite our superhero mentality, in the scariest dangers of the world. Instead of living in fear though, let your love and strength be present and hold on to your babies while walking this journey. Walk it together, as the family you are.
This is our New Year's Resolution for 2013, and every year that follows: Be Present. Live each moment.
And to those who lost a child, a mother, a sister, a wife, or a loved one in the recent nightmare, my prayers and tears and heartache are with you daily. Words will never be enough. xoxo.
Saturday, November 10, 2012
Seek a Soul Mommy.
Everyone dreams of finding their soulmate in this lifetime. (I have been blessed in that category, as I hope you have as well.)
Being a mom brings with it another dream: finding your soul-mommy. What is a soul mommy, you ask? Simple. A soul mommy is another mother who completes you in all things motherhood. She is strong where you are weak, can finish your thoughts, leads her house in all the ways you do. There can be a secret silent language between the two of you. She is the one you would trust to not only watch your children, but even nurse them if the situation called for it. She is the one you call to vent, to chat, to laugh, to drink wine with. She will not judge you but only look at you with a knowing eye and completely understand.
Just as there is with your soulmate, an instant "knowing" or spark can occur when meeting your soul mommy. Normally you will have a child (or children) close in age. You will share similar, if not the same, beliefs in raising your family. The research that you are spending all hours of the night conducting is the same that she is up questioning. Not only will you fit with her, but your children will mysteriously fit as well.
It is a rare occurrence when your child has a friend who she not only loves but gets along with every time she's around. Nothing more than slight whining occurs. Sharing happens naturally. Laughing is on the agenda throughout the hours spent together. It is wonderful.
I was blessed to meet my soul mommy when my daughter was only 7 months old. We met at a playdate, instantly saw fireworks, and we never looked back. (good thing our husbands liked one another too!) I had the honor of living just minutes away from her for 14 months. We saw each other just about every day, and still felt the need to dial each other's number the few hours we were apart.
Then it was time to move. I have moved from best friends before. It sucks. I actually had to move away from the greatest group of mommy friends I have ever known when Scarlett was just half a year old. I knew that I would still see them frequently, as they lived minutes from my in-laws. Saying good-bye to my soul mommy (who resides on rainbow row in Charleston); however, was a very emotional moment. We said we would visit once a month, as the drive is only 2.5 hours. But you know how that goes... life happens. Gas prices soar. The economy continues to tank. More babies are born. We visit as often as we can afford though, and our connection has not dwindled, but distance has made our hearts sad.
This post came to me as John and I are preparing to throw a farewell party this afternoon for our friends in Savannah who are moving to Sweden in the upcoming weeks. They have been more than just neighbors and friends, but the mommy portion of the partnership had become my go-to mommy friend here in town. She lived within walking distance, shared the same natural lifestyle, and was a stay-at-home mom. I frequented her house as often as did mine. We learned from each other and grew as mothers and women. I am so sad to see her leave, but beyond happy for her that she is taking her family back to where she dreams of being.
Now, my Savannah mommy friend is different than my true soul mommy, but she has become such a wonderful constant in my day-to-day life that I do not know what I will do without her. As I am prepping for this afternoon's party (homemade baked beans have been simmering away, cornbread is baking, and egg-free chocolate chip cookies are already being taste-tested), I am brought back to when we moved away from Charleston. My heart is heavy and sad... and I am missing my soul mommy more than ever.
This post was not suppose to be sad, I promise! It was to inspire you as a mom to seek your soul mommy! Once you have found her, never let her go. Grow old together. Share stories from your past, make memories in the present, and dream of your future mommyhood together. And please remember to have someone take pictures of the tw of you (and not just of your children together!)
Me and My Soul Mommy.
Being a mom brings with it another dream: finding your soul-mommy. What is a soul mommy, you ask? Simple. A soul mommy is another mother who completes you in all things motherhood. She is strong where you are weak, can finish your thoughts, leads her house in all the ways you do. There can be a secret silent language between the two of you. She is the one you would trust to not only watch your children, but even nurse them if the situation called for it. She is the one you call to vent, to chat, to laugh, to drink wine with. She will not judge you but only look at you with a knowing eye and completely understand.
Just as there is with your soulmate, an instant "knowing" or spark can occur when meeting your soul mommy. Normally you will have a child (or children) close in age. You will share similar, if not the same, beliefs in raising your family. The research that you are spending all hours of the night conducting is the same that she is up questioning. Not only will you fit with her, but your children will mysteriously fit as well.
It is a rare occurrence when your child has a friend who she not only loves but gets along with every time she's around. Nothing more than slight whining occurs. Sharing happens naturally. Laughing is on the agenda throughout the hours spent together. It is wonderful.
I was blessed to meet my soul mommy when my daughter was only 7 months old. We met at a playdate, instantly saw fireworks, and we never looked back. (good thing our husbands liked one another too!) I had the honor of living just minutes away from her for 14 months. We saw each other just about every day, and still felt the need to dial each other's number the few hours we were apart.
Then it was time to move. I have moved from best friends before. It sucks. I actually had to move away from the greatest group of mommy friends I have ever known when Scarlett was just half a year old. I knew that I would still see them frequently, as they lived minutes from my in-laws. Saying good-bye to my soul mommy (who resides on rainbow row in Charleston); however, was a very emotional moment. We said we would visit once a month, as the drive is only 2.5 hours. But you know how that goes... life happens. Gas prices soar. The economy continues to tank. More babies are born. We visit as often as we can afford though, and our connection has not dwindled, but distance has made our hearts sad.
This post came to me as John and I are preparing to throw a farewell party this afternoon for our friends in Savannah who are moving to Sweden in the upcoming weeks. They have been more than just neighbors and friends, but the mommy portion of the partnership had become my go-to mommy friend here in town. She lived within walking distance, shared the same natural lifestyle, and was a stay-at-home mom. I frequented her house as often as did mine. We learned from each other and grew as mothers and women. I am so sad to see her leave, but beyond happy for her that she is taking her family back to where she dreams of being.
Now, my Savannah mommy friend is different than my true soul mommy, but she has become such a wonderful constant in my day-to-day life that I do not know what I will do without her. As I am prepping for this afternoon's party (homemade baked beans have been simmering away, cornbread is baking, and egg-free chocolate chip cookies are already being taste-tested), I am brought back to when we moved away from Charleston. My heart is heavy and sad... and I am missing my soul mommy more than ever.
This post was not suppose to be sad, I promise! It was to inspire you as a mom to seek your soul mommy! Once you have found her, never let her go. Grow old together. Share stories from your past, make memories in the present, and dream of your future mommyhood together. And please remember to have someone take pictures of the tw of you (and not just of your children together!)
The day we met:
A few fun pictures of the girls playing:
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Everything needs re-synching.
Your phone.
Your kindle.
Your iPad.
Your relationships.
All need a little plug-in time to synch every so often.
My last post was about being the world's worst mom when it came to E and sleep. Here's what I have learned: I had not re-synched myself with him in quite awhile. I was taking for granted just what a wonderfully easy babe he is. I am constantly synching myself with S just to keep up. She's three years old now and a sponge that is learning at a mile a minute. She is the most loving, caring, emotional little girl; and I personally think she's the coolest girl alive. But here in lies the problem. I have forgotten that each child needs this attention. I was just bringing E along for the ride, and because he is the happiest kid ever, I didn't think twice about any of it.
Over the past week, I have slowed down and truly watched the amazing 14 month old toddler that he has become. Time has flown. He has grown. He has a happy dance he does when S wakes up in the morning and he runs to hug her. He now pushes monster cars around the house and crashes block towers down. He climbs coffee tables and attempts to free fall from them. Yes, I have seen these things from him before, but this time I just watched. I observed my son and listened to him. I listened to my 14 month old. He has so much to "say" that it took my breath away.
He can tell me when he has pee'd by pulling at the diaper or bringing me a new one; so we have started sitting on the potty throughout the day.
He wants to carry a doll like his sister; so we let him push a stroller around all day.
He is capable of eating more food (and not nursing every hour on the hour), as long as his sister is eating too... and he has a utensil, is not in a high chair, and is not made to eat it.
HE CAN SLEEP. He gets tired throughout the day. He wants to sleep. He sleeps better if he gets more sleep. (I knew all of these things existed, but I just didn't think E was capable of them.) Now don't get me wrong, E is not a sleeping angel by any means; however, by watching and listening to him, and giving him the same consideration I have always given S, I have learned when he might be tired enough to sleep. I leave S to play while E and I lay in the sleep room together, nurse and listen to the sound machine. 7 out of 10 times, he has slept. The other 3, well, I can't win em all! He may sleep for 30 minutes or an hour, even an hour and a half once! but all that matters is that he is sleeping. I have also started a better night routine for both kids. I have been able to put them down 4 times on my own in the last week! I swear, the high is like finishing a race I have been training months for. Now I can't stop our lives and keep the kids at home all day; I teach bootcamp three days a week, S has ballet and soccer, we visit the library and museum once a week, etc. So we have adapted. If E falls asleep in the car, I walk S into ballet and wait in the car (with kindle in hand) while E sleeps. Or, S and I play outside while E sleeps in the car (with windows down and breeze blowing). If he falls asleep in the stroller on a run, S and I share popsicles outside while he naps. I no longer attempt to transfer him.
I cannot express the pride I have in myself at this moment of motherhood. As much as I wanted more children, I now feel as though I will be able to handle another child (or two if I have my way!). I am learning each day how to balance between the kids. I just have to remember that everything needs "re-synched" every so often to keep it updated.
On that note, I may need to "re-synch" with myself here soon. While, I am at a wonderful place emotionally, physically, and spiritually as a wife and mother, I need to reevaluate where I am at as an individual so that I never lose who I am. I have a bunco night coming up, a ballet class next week, and my weekly runs have gone from 3-4 days a week to 6 days. :) I'm on the right track, but it never hurts to hit the "synch" button again.
Is it time for you to re-synch a relationship?
Your kindle.
Your iPad.
Your relationships.
All need a little plug-in time to synch every so often.
My last post was about being the world's worst mom when it came to E and sleep. Here's what I have learned: I had not re-synched myself with him in quite awhile. I was taking for granted just what a wonderfully easy babe he is. I am constantly synching myself with S just to keep up. She's three years old now and a sponge that is learning at a mile a minute. She is the most loving, caring, emotional little girl; and I personally think she's the coolest girl alive. But here in lies the problem. I have forgotten that each child needs this attention. I was just bringing E along for the ride, and because he is the happiest kid ever, I didn't think twice about any of it.
Over the past week, I have slowed down and truly watched the amazing 14 month old toddler that he has become. Time has flown. He has grown. He has a happy dance he does when S wakes up in the morning and he runs to hug her. He now pushes monster cars around the house and crashes block towers down. He climbs coffee tables and attempts to free fall from them. Yes, I have seen these things from him before, but this time I just watched. I observed my son and listened to him. I listened to my 14 month old. He has so much to "say" that it took my breath away.
He can tell me when he has pee'd by pulling at the diaper or bringing me a new one; so we have started sitting on the potty throughout the day.
He wants to carry a doll like his sister; so we let him push a stroller around all day.
He is capable of eating more food (and not nursing every hour on the hour), as long as his sister is eating too... and he has a utensil, is not in a high chair, and is not made to eat it.
HE CAN SLEEP. He gets tired throughout the day. He wants to sleep. He sleeps better if he gets more sleep. (I knew all of these things existed, but I just didn't think E was capable of them.) Now don't get me wrong, E is not a sleeping angel by any means; however, by watching and listening to him, and giving him the same consideration I have always given S, I have learned when he might be tired enough to sleep. I leave S to play while E and I lay in the sleep room together, nurse and listen to the sound machine. 7 out of 10 times, he has slept. The other 3, well, I can't win em all! He may sleep for 30 minutes or an hour, even an hour and a half once! but all that matters is that he is sleeping. I have also started a better night routine for both kids. I have been able to put them down 4 times on my own in the last week! I swear, the high is like finishing a race I have been training months for. Now I can't stop our lives and keep the kids at home all day; I teach bootcamp three days a week, S has ballet and soccer, we visit the library and museum once a week, etc. So we have adapted. If E falls asleep in the car, I walk S into ballet and wait in the car (with kindle in hand) while E sleeps. Or, S and I play outside while E sleeps in the car (with windows down and breeze blowing). If he falls asleep in the stroller on a run, S and I share popsicles outside while he naps. I no longer attempt to transfer him.
I cannot express the pride I have in myself at this moment of motherhood. As much as I wanted more children, I now feel as though I will be able to handle another child (or two if I have my way!). I am learning each day how to balance between the kids. I just have to remember that everything needs "re-synched" every so often to keep it updated.
On that note, I may need to "re-synch" with myself here soon. While, I am at a wonderful place emotionally, physically, and spiritually as a wife and mother, I need to reevaluate where I am at as an individual so that I never lose who I am. I have a bunco night coming up, a ballet class next week, and my weekly runs have gone from 3-4 days a week to 6 days. :) I'm on the right track, but it never hurts to hit the "synch" button again.
Is it time for you to re-synch a relationship?
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Have I failed my son?
I have debated about this post for weeks now; hence the silence that has been my blog. I have tried to to start other posts, and yet I could only think about this. I still don't know how to write it. I guess I'll just go for it. I don't know if I'm just trying to vent or look for advice... or just hear that I'm not alone.
I feel as though I have failed my son.
I have a laundry list of "things" that make me a wonderful mother; I know this. This is not a confidence problem or a horrible mother complex. I truly believe that I have failed my son in one specific aspect.
I cannot put E to sleep. He is now 14 months old, and I do not "know" him well enough to put him to sleep. Not a nap. Not bedtime. He has never been a sleeper. Don't get me wrong, he is the world's happiest baby, and the pediatrician has told me several times now that some kids just don't need as much sleep as others. Well, E gets less sleep in a 24 hour period than my 3 year old. And I feel as though it is my fault.
S was an easy napper. She nursed to sleep, would snuggle with me, and as long as I was near, she slept. Then came E two years later. I was teaching bootcamp classes, and following Scarlett around, so E's sleep patterns became: car, stroller, ergo. Bedtime would be nursing while rocking and reading to Scarlett. But then he started moving. He hated pajamas. He would not let a blanket touch him. He didn't want to be rocked by me. He saw me as his milk machine. I went with it, thinking that it was just a hard sleep phase. This wouldn't be worth complaining about if he fell asleep while nursing. He doesn't. He refuses any type of lovey - and using me to comfort nurse for extended periods of time. Again, if he fell asleep doing this I might not be here... almost in tears because I cannot seem to get him to sleep. He nurses. nurses longer. comfort nurses. nurses some more. I break the latch because, at times, this has worked and he has rolled over and fallen asleep (RARELY). However, the norm is then WWIII. Kicking, screaming, couching to gagging, pinching, head butting, grabbing at my breasts. I try to hold him, it makes it worse. I give him space on the bed and just cover my face from being head butted r my chest from being pinched, pulled, etc. I lay there and almost cry as the clock ticks next to me. It gets to a point where I give up and call John in (an hour or more later) or I give in and let him nurse again. The cycle then repeats again. Not as long the second time because he is so exhausted from the fight that sometimes he gives in and settles down.
You may say, why don't I just let him nurse for the 1.5 hours at the start of bedtime until he is asleep? I have tried this too. This is what happens on nights John works late. I have both kids in the bed and have no other option. Here in lies the problem: E gets a second wind. There is a point during this long nursing session and comfort sucking to which he goes from almost passed out to wide awake again. This cannot be normal.
Here's the kicker: John walks in and within 20 minutes (normally less) E is asleep. It doesn't matter at what point John comes in. E just knows that there is no milk option I guess and only gives a half-hearted attempt.
Bedtime is bad, but then there is naptime. I can get E to sleep by wearing him in the ergo, running with the stroller, or in the car... IF he is tired. That's it. He does not transfer from any of the devices. He rarely sleeps longer than 30 minutes, unless we are outside while he is sleeping. I try to get him to nap at home, but I cannot devote 1-2 hours to putting him down for a nap that will only last 30 minutes or so. (It's the same issues as the bedtime routine) I have a 3 year old loose in the house! But here comes a weekend. John is home. He lays with E for 10-20 minutes and BAM - a nap occurs.
I feel like I do not know my child well enough to get him to sleep. I feel like I have failed him.
Has anyone else been in this position? Please please tell me I am not alone.
I feel as though I have failed my son.
I have a laundry list of "things" that make me a wonderful mother; I know this. This is not a confidence problem or a horrible mother complex. I truly believe that I have failed my son in one specific aspect.
I cannot put E to sleep. He is now 14 months old, and I do not "know" him well enough to put him to sleep. Not a nap. Not bedtime. He has never been a sleeper. Don't get me wrong, he is the world's happiest baby, and the pediatrician has told me several times now that some kids just don't need as much sleep as others. Well, E gets less sleep in a 24 hour period than my 3 year old. And I feel as though it is my fault.
S was an easy napper. She nursed to sleep, would snuggle with me, and as long as I was near, she slept. Then came E two years later. I was teaching bootcamp classes, and following Scarlett around, so E's sleep patterns became: car, stroller, ergo. Bedtime would be nursing while rocking and reading to Scarlett. But then he started moving. He hated pajamas. He would not let a blanket touch him. He didn't want to be rocked by me. He saw me as his milk machine. I went with it, thinking that it was just a hard sleep phase. This wouldn't be worth complaining about if he fell asleep while nursing. He doesn't. He refuses any type of lovey - and using me to comfort nurse for extended periods of time. Again, if he fell asleep doing this I might not be here... almost in tears because I cannot seem to get him to sleep. He nurses. nurses longer. comfort nurses. nurses some more. I break the latch because, at times, this has worked and he has rolled over and fallen asleep (RARELY). However, the norm is then WWIII. Kicking, screaming, couching to gagging, pinching, head butting, grabbing at my breasts. I try to hold him, it makes it worse. I give him space on the bed and just cover my face from being head butted r my chest from being pinched, pulled, etc. I lay there and almost cry as the clock ticks next to me. It gets to a point where I give up and call John in (an hour or more later) or I give in and let him nurse again. The cycle then repeats again. Not as long the second time because he is so exhausted from the fight that sometimes he gives in and settles down.
You may say, why don't I just let him nurse for the 1.5 hours at the start of bedtime until he is asleep? I have tried this too. This is what happens on nights John works late. I have both kids in the bed and have no other option. Here in lies the problem: E gets a second wind. There is a point during this long nursing session and comfort sucking to which he goes from almost passed out to wide awake again. This cannot be normal.
Here's the kicker: John walks in and within 20 minutes (normally less) E is asleep. It doesn't matter at what point John comes in. E just knows that there is no milk option I guess and only gives a half-hearted attempt.
Bedtime is bad, but then there is naptime. I can get E to sleep by wearing him in the ergo, running with the stroller, or in the car... IF he is tired. That's it. He does not transfer from any of the devices. He rarely sleeps longer than 30 minutes, unless we are outside while he is sleeping. I try to get him to nap at home, but I cannot devote 1-2 hours to putting him down for a nap that will only last 30 minutes or so. (It's the same issues as the bedtime routine) I have a 3 year old loose in the house! But here comes a weekend. John is home. He lays with E for 10-20 minutes and BAM - a nap occurs.
I feel like I do not know my child well enough to get him to sleep. I feel like I have failed him.
Has anyone else been in this position? Please please tell me I am not alone.
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Bed-sharing in different beds. Are we alone with this one?
Let me start by apologizing for the time lapse in between the postings. Life has been hectic with Emmett (now 12.5 months) who can climb ANYTHING. I mean anything. The kid can get to the top of the dining room table faster than I can pee.
I promise to start setting aside time to type more regularly again!
Now onto the post:
We are bed-sharing advocates. We love sleeping with our children. And our children have not yet decided to sleep on their own. S just turned 3 years old on the 12th and E turned one on the 5th.
Here's the catch: My husband (J) and I each sleep with a child in different rooms. We have fallen into a groove that seems to be working well for the kids and allowing everyone the most sleep possible, but I do miss cuddling during the night. The night more or less goes like this:
Kids fall asleep in the "Sleep Room" (guest room where crib is). E in his crib and S in the bed. Within an hour, E wakes up to nurse again for about 5-10 minutes, then he's back in the crib. This is J & I's time to have wine, watch a show, talk, read, etc... E normally wakes up within the next hour; J's turn to get him. He takes E back to our bed and lays with him for 5 minutes until he is asleep again (he refuses to be rocked). So now the kids are in separate rooms. J, E, and I all sleep an hour or two together before S wakes and starts yelling for us. At this point, J hops up and joins her in the guest room. That is how we spend the remainder of the night.
We had been bringing S in with us when she woke up, but she tosses and turns and wakes E up too often. Without her in the bed, E sleeps 2 hour stretches! (That is amazing for him!)
Are we alone in this sleep situation? What will we do when there is a third baby (someday)? S shows no signs of wanting to sleep on her own. She gets scared in the middle of the night and really needs to feel a warm body next to her. E tosses and turns as much as his sister, so the crib is basically a joke. He hits his head and is immediately awake. We would like to eventually have them share a queen mattress on the floor together, but with E nursing so often and the tossing and turning between the two of them, I don't know if it's a good idea yet.
Please tell me we aren't alone! How crazy is your bed situation?
I promise to start setting aside time to type more regularly again!
Now onto the post:
We are bed-sharing advocates. We love sleeping with our children. And our children have not yet decided to sleep on their own. S just turned 3 years old on the 12th and E turned one on the 5th.
Here's the catch: My husband (J) and I each sleep with a child in different rooms. We have fallen into a groove that seems to be working well for the kids and allowing everyone the most sleep possible, but I do miss cuddling during the night. The night more or less goes like this:
Kids fall asleep in the "Sleep Room" (guest room where crib is). E in his crib and S in the bed. Within an hour, E wakes up to nurse again for about 5-10 minutes, then he's back in the crib. This is J & I's time to have wine, watch a show, talk, read, etc... E normally wakes up within the next hour; J's turn to get him. He takes E back to our bed and lays with him for 5 minutes until he is asleep again (he refuses to be rocked). So now the kids are in separate rooms. J, E, and I all sleep an hour or two together before S wakes and starts yelling for us. At this point, J hops up and joins her in the guest room. That is how we spend the remainder of the night.
We had been bringing S in with us when she woke up, but she tosses and turns and wakes E up too often. Without her in the bed, E sleeps 2 hour stretches! (That is amazing for him!)
Are we alone in this sleep situation? What will we do when there is a third baby (someday)? S shows no signs of wanting to sleep on her own. She gets scared in the middle of the night and really needs to feel a warm body next to her. E tosses and turns as much as his sister, so the crib is basically a joke. He hits his head and is immediately awake. We would like to eventually have them share a queen mattress on the floor together, but with E nursing so often and the tossing and turning between the two of them, I don't know if it's a good idea yet.
Please tell me we aren't alone! How crazy is your bed situation?
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)